BERNEY WILKINSON: Punishment isn't a lasting motivation
Dr. Berney WilkinsonThere are a lot of things that motivate us to make decisions. One of the most powerful of these motivators is the fear of punishment. For example, when we see a law enforcement officer, we are motivated to stay within the speed limit. In fact, the presence of a law enforcement officer might even cause us to drive slower than the posted speed limit.
The reason is obvious: no one wants a speeding ticket. The fear of such a punishment serves as a strong motivator for us to follow the rules. But what happens when we see the officer take an exit and leave the interstate? Well, suddenly we are on the Autobahn and everyone seems to drive well over the speed limit. With no threat of punishment, we can do as we please.
Although speed limits are there to keep us safe, most of us don’t think much about that while we are driving; in fact, most drivers assume that it is acceptable to exceed the speed limit by as much as 10 mph. So, as long as the police officer is present, we are careful to stay within the posted speed limit. Remove the officer, and most drivers feel free to go faster.
This common experience is an excellent example of the limited efficacy of punishment as a form of motivation and behavioral control. Whenever a behavior is influenced by the threat of punishment, we tend to do what we want when the punisher is not present. We frequently see this phenomenon in children. When there is a substitute teacher, many students tend to act out more and to take advantage of the “unknowing” substitute. As soon as the teacher returns or the principal arrives, though, students rein in their behavior and meet their teacher’s expectations.
Children do the same thing at home. When their parents are not present, kids tend to say and do things that they would never do if their parents were present. Though this may be a surprise to many parents, most kids use foul language, make inappropriate comments, and do things that you have told them not to do any time they are with their friends and you are not around.
Although they know that they are not supposed to do these things, they do them anyway. Why? Well, they do it for the same reason you speed when there is no police officer around. That is, they feel as though the risk of punishment is low enough to warrant doing what they want.
While kids will always push limits and try to get away with things when we are not around, it is important for parents to remember that punishments are not reliably effective in changing their behavior. Sure, there may be a temporary change following a punishment. After all, most of us would be somewhat more mindful of our speed, at least for a little while, after we get a speeding ticket. But it does not last. Soon, we will be speeding again while keeping an eye out for an officer.
Instead of harsh punishments, parents are encouraged to look for consequences that make sense and teach their child what they need to do better in the future. You do not need to do something that will make him “suffer” or that will “hurt him.” You just need to do something that will remind him of the reason for the expectation and how he can meet that expectation. Might he violate the rule again in the future? Sure. Just like we might return to speeding. It does not mean that your child is a bad person. Rather, it means that he is just like every other kid in the world. We want our kids to push limits and gain independence. So, instead of punishing, let’s teach them how to make better decisions.
Dr. Berney, a licensed psychologist with Psychological Associates
