First off, let me remind you all that I'm one of the few people on this board who has reached a sufficient level of nirvana in his UGA soul to occasionally get glimpses of our collective future.
I told you we were about to win B2B 'ships before it happened.
I saw the doom that was to come when I watched that Kentucky abomination, and I tried to warn everyone with a fairly accurate prediction of what was going to happen this past weekend.
You didn't want to listen, but my visions were, as usual, prescient.
Every week half of you go begging and pleading for "insiders" (who are notoriously inaccurate with their predictions, btw) to give you a morsel of reassurance when if you'd just wise up and ask me, I'd tell you what's up if you were nice about it.
Anyway...
Last night's game looked so odd because in the background the forces of good and evil were colliding. While most of you watched a football game, I stared into the flames and saw gods battling demons for the upper hand in a much greater war. The weirdness on the field was the product of an ancient struggle most of you can't even begin to understand.
As I am able to communicate with these forces, I come to you today with great tidings of what has been decided:
Now that you've been allowed share in this vision, act accordingly.
So it was written, so it shall be.
I told you we were about to win B2B 'ships before it happened.
I saw the doom that was to come when I watched that Kentucky abomination, and I tried to warn everyone with a fairly accurate prediction of what was going to happen this past weekend.
You didn't want to listen, but my visions were, as usual, prescient.
Every week half of you go begging and pleading for "insiders" (who are notoriously inaccurate with their predictions, btw) to give you a morsel of reassurance when if you'd just wise up and ask me, I'd tell you what's up if you were nice about it.
Anyway...
Last night's game looked so odd because in the background the forces of good and evil were colliding. While most of you watched a football game, I stared into the flames and saw gods battling demons for the upper hand in a much greater war. The weirdness on the field was the product of an ancient struggle most of you can't even begin to understand.
As I am able to communicate with these forces, I come to you today with great tidings of what has been decided:
- Scales have been peeled back from our coaching staff's eyes and they have been given a glimpse of what must be done to reach our pinnacle
- Things will start to turn next weekend as we show life in the first half and exercise our birthright as Georgia men in beating the hell out of Auburn
- You'll see the next phase of our evolution when we beat Miss St. the way we should beat them: early, decisively, and without any drama
- We'll march into Austin, play a complete game, and win handily as the national conversation turns back to "maybe Georgia is still on top..."
- There will be one more bout of heartburn, probably at Ole Miss (although the gods weren't totally clear on this point), on the way to 11 - 1 in the regular season
- We'll see Bama again in the SECC and get a convincing win in a game that will be seen by future generations as "the one in which the Tide began to turn"
- We'll get a first-round bye and come into the playoffs hot
- The gods did not permit me to see beyond this point. Our playoff future has yet to be written. But the regular season is about to get fun.
- Kirby must fire the false prophet Bobo at season's end, or a great curse will befall us. He'll be tempted to take the easy path and let him linger but make no mistake -- the gods are testing him. If he gives into temptation, we will start to decline. If he chooses wisely, we will remain among the elite for years to come.
- The Dan Jackson bashing must come to an end. One of the eldest football deities looked me in the eyes and said directly "tell those stupid ass rednecks to stfu about Action Jackson; that white boy was one of the few with actual alpha energy last night". I asked him if he could phrase that in a less offensive way, but then he zapped me with lightening.
- Those of you with deep pockets better get together and give Kriby money so he can go buy us receivers or there's not much more the gods can do for us. They spent a lot of their magic juju to save us this season and now they say it's time to stop being a bunch of cheap bastards and go buy some elite, drama queen WRs like all the other top programs.
Now that you've been allowed share in this vision, act accordingly.
So it was written, so it shall be.
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