A TALE
Jack greeted the visitor with a beaming smile and a warm handshake. Jack kept eye contact while asking about his welfare as well as the wellbeing of his family, friends and business.
"Please, please, come in, come in," Jack boomed in friendly tones, courteous voice, a pleasant person for the interview. "Have a seat. Can I get you a drink? Anything?"
No, no, the visitor begged off.
Jack was pleasant in conversation, funny, self-deprecating, open, generous. A man of good company and good cheer ... a jolly good fellow.
Ting.
"Forgive me," Jack said, reaching a hand into his interior jacket pocket. "My phone. I'm terribly sorry but I'm having a discussion, a bit of a debate really (chuckle), with someone online. ... You will understand I'm sure, in these modern times."
Jack looked at his phone. His eyebrows knitting together. He typed out a response. Jack was the sort of soul who spoke his social media replies as he typed them.
"I guess a third-grade education doesn't pay off in whatever bumble town part of the world you're from, you ignorant pile of pus. I would call you a Neanderthal but I've already insulted pus by comparing it to you."
Jack pressed send then looked up at his visitor, with a smile and the friendly gleam still in his eyes.
The visitor asked, "Someone you know? A sworn enemy, perhaps?"
Jack laughed, adding, "No. No. No idea who it is. I ran across her earlier post and commented and she commented back, etc., etc., etc. You know how it is. ... I know it's terribly rude of me to interrupt our conversation for such nonsense but ..."
Ting.
"Oh, terribly sorry," Jack said, again, the magnanimous smile and gesture, adding, "but duty calls."
Jack looked at his phone, showing him the woman's new response. "Ha! She says I'm a prime example for birth control. Ouch. Not very original though."
Jack typed, slow reading his typing as he went: "You are a cow. And as such you should be left in a field because neither you nor what you likely consider thoughts are worth serving up to anyone. Best we can all hope is you are struck by lightning and sizzled where you stand, you horrible, horrible cow."
"And send," Jack added, tapping his phone. "... Now where were we, oh, yes, you were so very, very kind to ask me about my ideas when ..."
Ting.
"Hmmm, that was quick," Jack said. "Wouldn't have thought it of her, given she's a cow and all."
Jack read the message. His face reddened. His brows tightened. His hand jittered. Still, ever courteous to the visitor seated across from him. "You will understand, please, so sorry, last time, I promise," Jack said, smile toward his visitor, even courteous tones, always keeping eye contact until it was time to type.
Jack unloaded on the woman, full snark, full troll, full intimidation with a dash of passive aggressiveness, insults, slurs. He read every word as he typed the message into his phone then sent it.
"OK," he laughed, "I think I really got the upper hand there. But she will likely respond. As you can see, front and center, I'm a reasonable man. But these things, these phones, and the idiots on them, well, they seem to bring out the worst in me."
The visitor assured Jack that he was indeed a most pleasant fellow, live and in person.
Jack warmly thanked him. "You know, to avoid the temptation of me checking this thing again and getting distracted and agitated, why don't we continue this discussion with a drive. ... I can assure you I won't look at my phone once while driving. And there should be nothing to anger me once I'm behind the wheel of a car."
Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.
Jack greeted the visitor with a beaming smile and a warm handshake. Jack kept eye contact while asking about his welfare as well as the wellbeing of his family, friends and business.
"Please, please, come in, come in," Jack boomed in friendly tones, courteous voice, a pleasant person for the interview. "Have a seat. Can I get you a drink? Anything?"
No, no, the visitor begged off.
Jack was pleasant in conversation, funny, self-deprecating, open, generous. A man of good company and good cheer ... a jolly good fellow.
Ting.
"Forgive me," Jack said, reaching a hand into his interior jacket pocket. "My phone. I'm terribly sorry but I'm having a discussion, a bit of a debate really (chuckle), with someone online. ... You will understand I'm sure, in these modern times."
Jack looked at his phone. His eyebrows knitting together. He typed out a response. Jack was the sort of soul who spoke his social media replies as he typed them.
"I guess a third-grade education doesn't pay off in whatever bumble town part of the world you're from, you ignorant pile of pus. I would call you a Neanderthal but I've already insulted pus by comparing it to you."
Jack pressed send then looked up at his visitor, with a smile and the friendly gleam still in his eyes.
The visitor asked, "Someone you know? A sworn enemy, perhaps?"
Jack laughed, adding, "No. No. No idea who it is. I ran across her earlier post and commented and she commented back, etc., etc., etc. You know how it is. ... I know it's terribly rude of me to interrupt our conversation for such nonsense but ..."
Ting.
"Oh, terribly sorry," Jack said, again, the magnanimous smile and gesture, adding, "but duty calls."
Jack looked at his phone, showing him the woman's new response. "Ha! She says I'm a prime example for birth control. Ouch. Not very original though."
Jack typed, slow reading his typing as he went: "You are a cow. And as such you should be left in a field because neither you nor what you likely consider thoughts are worth serving up to anyone. Best we can all hope is you are struck by lightning and sizzled where you stand, you horrible, horrible cow."
"And send," Jack added, tapping his phone. "... Now where were we, oh, yes, you were so very, very kind to ask me about my ideas when ..."
Ting.
"Hmmm, that was quick," Jack said. "Wouldn't have thought it of her, given she's a cow and all."
Jack read the message. His face reddened. His brows tightened. His hand jittered. Still, ever courteous to the visitor seated across from him. "You will understand, please, so sorry, last time, I promise," Jack said, smile toward his visitor, even courteous tones, always keeping eye contact until it was time to type.
Jack unloaded on the woman, full snark, full troll, full intimidation with a dash of passive aggressiveness, insults, slurs. He read every word as he typed the message into his phone then sent it.
"OK," he laughed, "I think I really got the upper hand there. But she will likely respond. As you can see, front and center, I'm a reasonable man. But these things, these phones, and the idiots on them, well, they seem to bring out the worst in me."
The visitor assured Jack that he was indeed a most pleasant fellow, live and in person.
Jack warmly thanked him. "You know, to avoid the temptation of me checking this thing again and getting distracted and agitated, why don't we continue this discussion with a drive. ... I can assure you I won't look at my phone once while driving. And there should be nothing to anger me once I'm behind the wheel of a car."
Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.
