http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/os-sp-year-in-review-david-whitley-1225-20161224-column.html
You hear it every year. The year that's about to end was the worst ever.
Or it was the best ever, the saddest ever or the weirdest ever. At the risk of making a prediction, we predict 2016 will be remembered as the best, worst, saddest, happiest, weirdest and most unforgettable year ever.
We will not predict that, however, because every other prediction made by the "mainstream media" turned out wrong in 2016.
Oh sure, somebody somewhere may have predicted the Cubs would win the World Series or Dak Prescott would win the Cowboys quarterback job or Cleveland would win a championship.
Trump would show Hillary Clinton who really wears the pantsuits around here.Not even Trump believed that would happen, at least until Vladimir Putin called him on Election Night and said the name "Hillary Clinton" had been replaced with "Urban Meyer" on all the ballots in Michigan.
Kidding!
The Russians didn't do that, Jim Harbaugh did. He was the year's No. 2 media troll behind Jerry Jones, who admitted he stoked the Prescott-Tony Romo quarterback controversy to keep people buzzing about the Cowboys.
It was almost as annoying as the 7.3 billion "My Pillow" commercials aired in 2016. When selecting items for the year's time capsule, the list would have to include:
The Cowboys' P.R. machine, Tim Tebow's bat, Colin Kaepernick's knee, Nick Saban's brain, Ryan Lochte's missing brain, media credibility and Florida's offense.
Oh wait, nobody can find those last two.
Regardless, when historians dig up the time capsule in 1,000 years, it's safe to predict they'll quickly re-bury it before the Zika mosquitoes escape and infect 3016 with whatever zany virus it was took over the world in 2016.
It all began innocently enough in . . .
January
In his final State of the Union Address, President Obama vows to end the U.S. embargo of championships against Cleveland and close Gitmo if the U.S. can find a country willing to take Aaron Hernandez.
Alabama beats Clemson for its fourth national championship in seven years. Nick Saban celebrates by going back to his hotel room and breaking down tape of Western Kentucky.
Big Ten coaches file a protest after Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh brings Stephen Hawking with him to do a recruit's Algebra homework during an in-home visit.
The hunt for Mexican drug kingpin El Chapo resumes after he again tunnels out of prison while guards are busy watching a soccer game on TV.
February
Denver quarterback Brock Osweiler goes 0-for-0 for zero yards in the Broncos' 24-10 Super Bowl win over Carolina. The Texans are so impressed they sign him to a $72 million contract.
At the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, an anonymous NFL scout wearing a Dallas jersey tells reporters that Mississippi State quarterback Dak Prescott has "smaller hands than Donald Trump."
An Associated Press investigation reveals that the water venues at the Rio Olympics contain enough bacteria to kill an invasion of zombies. International Olympic Committee president Thomas Bach disputes the report and vows to go swimming in Guanabara Bay as soon as his Hazmat Speedo is delivered.
March
A jury in Tampa awards Hulk Hogan $55 million if he promises to never make another sex tape as long as he lives.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. announces he will donate his brain to science when he dies. In related news, Danica Patrick announces she will $10 million to the first person who can teach her which pedal is the accelerator and which is the brake.
In the 46th Republican presidential debate, Donald Trump holds up his hands and declares, "These babies are three times bigger than Dak Prescott's feet." PolitiFact quickly declares the statement "False" and predicts Jeb Bush will sweep to victory on Super Tuesday.
The NCAA, NBA and Lena Dunham cancel appearances in North Carolina after the state legislature passes a bill requiring men to put up the toilet seat while using the women's bathroom.
April
Critics rave over "O.J. : Made in America," but the ESPN documentary is eliminated from Oscar consideration because it is longer than the armed robbery sentence Simpson is currently serving at Lovelock Correctional Center.
Former Bryant Junior High point guard Prince dies. In unrelated news, human remains are found floating in the Olympic swimming pool. IOC president Thomas Bach denies there is a problem, stating "there is no evidence the body parts come from actual humans."
Michael Strahan announces he is leaving "Live! With Kelly and Michael" and will sign with Alabama.
At the NFL Draft, a source tells Mel Kiper Jr. that teams are backing away from Dak Prescott after seeing an "Access Hollywood" tape of Dak Prescott breaking down female prospects with Billy Bush.
May
Donald Trump win the Kentucky Derby by 31 lengths. Political pundits immediately predict Hillary Clinton will destroy him in the Preakness and Belmont Stakes.
Jim Harbaugh announces Michigan will hold a "satellite camp" on an actual low-orbiting luxury satellite that will have Victoria's Secret models serving chicken wings to prospects.
Mexican authorities trace El Chapo's escape tunnel to Waco, Texas. It comes out in Baylor football coach Art Briles' office, which El Chapo considered a safe space since nobody there ever notices criminal behavior.
June
LeBron James delivers the first pro sports championship for Cleveland since Reconstruction. In order to restore the Earth's rotational balance, the Browns vow not to win a game until 2024.
Media outlets predict the Olympics might be moved due to political turmoil and Rio's out-of-control crime rate. IOC President Thomas Bach denies Rio has a crime problem and will prove it as soon as his kidnappers get their ransom money and release him from an undisclosed Amazon jungle prison.
Responding the Republican calls for transparency, FBI Director James Comey says an investigation found nothing criminal in the way the Orlando Magic have tried to rebuild, but the franchise has been "extremely careless" in constructing its roster.
Great Britain votes to leave the European Union and begins a campaign to join the Big 12.
July
The Obama Administration unilaterally raises the NBA minimum wage to $437,500 an hour, prompting Memphis to sign guard Mike Conley to a five-year $153 million contract. "It would have been $500 million if he had ever made an All-Star team," Grizzlies coach David Fizdale said.
Kevin Durant announces he is leaving Oklahoma City to play wide receiver for Alabama.
North Carolina expands its bathroom bill to include a ban on Joey Chestnut after he throws up 70 hot dogs in a Coney Island men's room following a world-record performance at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.
On the advice of campaign manager Leonard Fournette, Hillary Clinton announces she will skip campaigning after the Democratic National Convention and begin measuring for new drapes in the White House.
A Gallup Poll of Memphis residents reveal 88% of them think "David Fizdale" is the name of a soft drink.
August
At the urging of Jerry Jones, the U.N. Security Council calls an emergency meeting after Tony Romo breaks a bone in his back during a preseason game.
After police assassinations in Dallas and Baton Rouge, Colin Kaepernick decides it's an ideal time to put on a Fidel Castro T-shirt and sit out the national anthem to protest police brutality and America's oppression of blacks, Hispanics and backup quarterbacks making $11.9 million a year.
In Olympic news, Michael Phelps avoids floating body parts to win 14 more gold medals. Ryan Lochte then touches off an international incident when he gets drunk and claims Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff robbed him at a gas station. Lochte is forced to apologize after surveillance video shows he was actually robbed by heavily armed Zika mosquitoes.
And in the biggest news of all, Tim Tebow announces he is coming out of football retirement to pursue his lifelong dream of leading the majors in strikeouts.
September
LSU fires Les Miles after tapes reveal the Tigers have not attempted a forward pass since 2005. Jimbo Fisher quickly calls a press conference to stress he loves FSU as his agent posts Instagram photos of FSU's coach eating gumbo while watching "Swamp People."
At the daily welcoming ceremony at the pearly gates, St. Peter asks Arnold Palmer for his autograph.
In his first interview since being fired, Art Briles says he has never heard of Baylor University.
An anonymous source in Dallas tells TMZ that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's marriage is on the rocks because they keep arguing whether Dak Prescott should be benched when Tony Romo returns from the disabled list.
In its first weekly release, the College Football Playoff committee ranks Donald Trump No. 5 behind Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein, Bernie Sanders and Nick Saban.
October
Nielsen ratings for Oct. 13 show that 17 people watched "Thursday Night Football," 81 million watched the presidential debate and 298 million watched Tim Tebow go 0-for-5 in the Arizona Fall League Game of the Week.
Hurricane Matthew forces Florida to postpone its game against LSU until it can find a decent quarterback.
Colin Kaepernick unveils his fall line of Dictator T-shirts featuring Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong and Roger Goodell. All proceeds will go to …
We interupt this year in review for a news bulletin:
Kaepernick's agent just released a statement stressing that "Colin does not mean any disrespect toward anyone in uniform, unless that uniform is blue."
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Vin Scully retires after hearing rumors the Dodgers might sign Tim Tebow.
November
The Cubs win the World Series when LeBron James hits into a game-ending double play in the 10th inning of Game 7, prompting President Obama to issue an unconditional pardon to Steve Bartman.
Donald Trump carries 30 states to win the presidential election, prompting countless political pundits to ask where West Virginia is.
In an attempt to win the recount in Michigan, Hillary Clinton calls Big Ten referees "a basket of deplorables" and blames the Wolverines' loss to Ohio State on an officiating crew made up of "angry white men."
After Jurgen Klinsmann is fired as U.S. soccer coach, FSU's Jimbo Fisher appears at a press conference bouncing a soccer ball on his head and denies any interest in the opening.
Cast members of the Broadway play "Hamilton" end a performance by lecturing Phil Jackson on how the triangle offense is a threat to democracy.
December
Ex-President Martin Sheen urges the Electoral College to overturn the results of the Florida-FSU game because the Gators had more passing yards than the Seminoles.
Jim Harbaugh says he will move to Canada if Jabrill Peppers does not win the Heisman Trophy.
FSU relents and gives Jimbo Fisher a $44 million contract extension after his agent posts photos of Fisher at Trump Tower interviewing for the Secretary of Interior opening.
Thousands of pundits predict what will happen in 2017. The public tells them to buy a My Pillow and go smother themselves with it.
dwhitley@orlandosentinel.com
http://adrzr.com/555k?utm_source=8b..._3500&utm_term=tribunedigital-orlandosentinel
http://www.blessings.com/click/page...umbnails/b74d4b0ef3aaea4636df5372694a9aa8.jpg
You hear it every year. The year that's about to end was the worst ever.
Or it was the best ever, the saddest ever or the weirdest ever. At the risk of making a prediction, we predict 2016 will be remembered as the best, worst, saddest, happiest, weirdest and most unforgettable year ever.
We will not predict that, however, because every other prediction made by the "mainstream media" turned out wrong in 2016.
Oh sure, somebody somewhere may have predicted the Cubs would win the World Series or Dak Prescott would win the Cowboys quarterback job or Cleveland would win a championship.
Trump would show Hillary Clinton who really wears the pantsuits around here.Not even Trump believed that would happen, at least until Vladimir Putin called him on Election Night and said the name "Hillary Clinton" had been replaced with "Urban Meyer" on all the ballots in Michigan.
Kidding!
The Russians didn't do that, Jim Harbaugh did. He was the year's No. 2 media troll behind Jerry Jones, who admitted he stoked the Prescott-Tony Romo quarterback controversy to keep people buzzing about the Cowboys.
It was almost as annoying as the 7.3 billion "My Pillow" commercials aired in 2016. When selecting items for the year's time capsule, the list would have to include:
The Cowboys' P.R. machine, Tim Tebow's bat, Colin Kaepernick's knee, Nick Saban's brain, Ryan Lochte's missing brain, media credibility and Florida's offense.
Oh wait, nobody can find those last two.
Regardless, when historians dig up the time capsule in 1,000 years, it's safe to predict they'll quickly re-bury it before the Zika mosquitoes escape and infect 3016 with whatever zany virus it was took over the world in 2016.
It all began innocently enough in . . .
January
In his final State of the Union Address, President Obama vows to end the U.S. embargo of championships against Cleveland and close Gitmo if the U.S. can find a country willing to take Aaron Hernandez.
Alabama beats Clemson for its fourth national championship in seven years. Nick Saban celebrates by going back to his hotel room and breaking down tape of Western Kentucky.
Big Ten coaches file a protest after Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh brings Stephen Hawking with him to do a recruit's Algebra homework during an in-home visit.
The hunt for Mexican drug kingpin El Chapo resumes after he again tunnels out of prison while guards are busy watching a soccer game on TV.
February
Denver quarterback Brock Osweiler goes 0-for-0 for zero yards in the Broncos' 24-10 Super Bowl win over Carolina. The Texans are so impressed they sign him to a $72 million contract.
At the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, an anonymous NFL scout wearing a Dallas jersey tells reporters that Mississippi State quarterback Dak Prescott has "smaller hands than Donald Trump."
An Associated Press investigation reveals that the water venues at the Rio Olympics contain enough bacteria to kill an invasion of zombies. International Olympic Committee president Thomas Bach disputes the report and vows to go swimming in Guanabara Bay as soon as his Hazmat Speedo is delivered.
March
A jury in Tampa awards Hulk Hogan $55 million if he promises to never make another sex tape as long as he lives.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. announces he will donate his brain to science when he dies. In related news, Danica Patrick announces she will $10 million to the first person who can teach her which pedal is the accelerator and which is the brake.
In the 46th Republican presidential debate, Donald Trump holds up his hands and declares, "These babies are three times bigger than Dak Prescott's feet." PolitiFact quickly declares the statement "False" and predicts Jeb Bush will sweep to victory on Super Tuesday.
The NCAA, NBA and Lena Dunham cancel appearances in North Carolina after the state legislature passes a bill requiring men to put up the toilet seat while using the women's bathroom.
April
Critics rave over "O.J. : Made in America," but the ESPN documentary is eliminated from Oscar consideration because it is longer than the armed robbery sentence Simpson is currently serving at Lovelock Correctional Center.
Former Bryant Junior High point guard Prince dies. In unrelated news, human remains are found floating in the Olympic swimming pool. IOC president Thomas Bach denies there is a problem, stating "there is no evidence the body parts come from actual humans."
Michael Strahan announces he is leaving "Live! With Kelly and Michael" and will sign with Alabama.
At the NFL Draft, a source tells Mel Kiper Jr. that teams are backing away from Dak Prescott after seeing an "Access Hollywood" tape of Dak Prescott breaking down female prospects with Billy Bush.
May
Donald Trump win the Kentucky Derby by 31 lengths. Political pundits immediately predict Hillary Clinton will destroy him in the Preakness and Belmont Stakes.
Jim Harbaugh announces Michigan will hold a "satellite camp" on an actual low-orbiting luxury satellite that will have Victoria's Secret models serving chicken wings to prospects.
Mexican authorities trace El Chapo's escape tunnel to Waco, Texas. It comes out in Baylor football coach Art Briles' office, which El Chapo considered a safe space since nobody there ever notices criminal behavior.
June
LeBron James delivers the first pro sports championship for Cleveland since Reconstruction. In order to restore the Earth's rotational balance, the Browns vow not to win a game until 2024.
Media outlets predict the Olympics might be moved due to political turmoil and Rio's out-of-control crime rate. IOC President Thomas Bach denies Rio has a crime problem and will prove it as soon as his kidnappers get their ransom money and release him from an undisclosed Amazon jungle prison.
Responding the Republican calls for transparency, FBI Director James Comey says an investigation found nothing criminal in the way the Orlando Magic have tried to rebuild, but the franchise has been "extremely careless" in constructing its roster.
Great Britain votes to leave the European Union and begins a campaign to join the Big 12.
July
The Obama Administration unilaterally raises the NBA minimum wage to $437,500 an hour, prompting Memphis to sign guard Mike Conley to a five-year $153 million contract. "It would have been $500 million if he had ever made an All-Star team," Grizzlies coach David Fizdale said.
Kevin Durant announces he is leaving Oklahoma City to play wide receiver for Alabama.
North Carolina expands its bathroom bill to include a ban on Joey Chestnut after he throws up 70 hot dogs in a Coney Island men's room following a world-record performance at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.
On the advice of campaign manager Leonard Fournette, Hillary Clinton announces she will skip campaigning after the Democratic National Convention and begin measuring for new drapes in the White House.
A Gallup Poll of Memphis residents reveal 88% of them think "David Fizdale" is the name of a soft drink.
August
At the urging of Jerry Jones, the U.N. Security Council calls an emergency meeting after Tony Romo breaks a bone in his back during a preseason game.
After police assassinations in Dallas and Baton Rouge, Colin Kaepernick decides it's an ideal time to put on a Fidel Castro T-shirt and sit out the national anthem to protest police brutality and America's oppression of blacks, Hispanics and backup quarterbacks making $11.9 million a year.
In Olympic news, Michael Phelps avoids floating body parts to win 14 more gold medals. Ryan Lochte then touches off an international incident when he gets drunk and claims Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff robbed him at a gas station. Lochte is forced to apologize after surveillance video shows he was actually robbed by heavily armed Zika mosquitoes.
And in the biggest news of all, Tim Tebow announces he is coming out of football retirement to pursue his lifelong dream of leading the majors in strikeouts.
September
LSU fires Les Miles after tapes reveal the Tigers have not attempted a forward pass since 2005. Jimbo Fisher quickly calls a press conference to stress he loves FSU as his agent posts Instagram photos of FSU's coach eating gumbo while watching "Swamp People."
At the daily welcoming ceremony at the pearly gates, St. Peter asks Arnold Palmer for his autograph.
In his first interview since being fired, Art Briles says he has never heard of Baylor University.
An anonymous source in Dallas tells TMZ that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's marriage is on the rocks because they keep arguing whether Dak Prescott should be benched when Tony Romo returns from the disabled list.
In its first weekly release, the College Football Playoff committee ranks Donald Trump No. 5 behind Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein, Bernie Sanders and Nick Saban.
October
Nielsen ratings for Oct. 13 show that 17 people watched "Thursday Night Football," 81 million watched the presidential debate and 298 million watched Tim Tebow go 0-for-5 in the Arizona Fall League Game of the Week.
Hurricane Matthew forces Florida to postpone its game against LSU until it can find a decent quarterback.
Colin Kaepernick unveils his fall line of Dictator T-shirts featuring Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong and Roger Goodell. All proceeds will go to …
We interupt this year in review for a news bulletin:
Kaepernick's agent just released a statement stressing that "Colin does not mean any disrespect toward anyone in uniform, unless that uniform is blue."
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Vin Scully retires after hearing rumors the Dodgers might sign Tim Tebow.
November
The Cubs win the World Series when LeBron James hits into a game-ending double play in the 10th inning of Game 7, prompting President Obama to issue an unconditional pardon to Steve Bartman.
Donald Trump carries 30 states to win the presidential election, prompting countless political pundits to ask where West Virginia is.
In an attempt to win the recount in Michigan, Hillary Clinton calls Big Ten referees "a basket of deplorables" and blames the Wolverines' loss to Ohio State on an officiating crew made up of "angry white men."
After Jurgen Klinsmann is fired as U.S. soccer coach, FSU's Jimbo Fisher appears at a press conference bouncing a soccer ball on his head and denies any interest in the opening.
Cast members of the Broadway play "Hamilton" end a performance by lecturing Phil Jackson on how the triangle offense is a threat to democracy.
December
Ex-President Martin Sheen urges the Electoral College to overturn the results of the Florida-FSU game because the Gators had more passing yards than the Seminoles.
Jim Harbaugh says he will move to Canada if Jabrill Peppers does not win the Heisman Trophy.
FSU relents and gives Jimbo Fisher a $44 million contract extension after his agent posts photos of Fisher at Trump Tower interviewing for the Secretary of Interior opening.
Thousands of pundits predict what will happen in 2017. The public tells them to buy a My Pillow and go smother themselves with it.
dwhitley@orlandosentinel.com
http://adrzr.com/555k?utm_source=8b..._3500&utm_term=tribunedigital-orlandosentinel
http://www.blessings.com/click/page...umbnails/b74d4b0ef3aaea4636df5372694a9aa8.jpg
