spiked Gatorade on the orders of your doc who was doing a colonoscopy tomorrow. How long would you expect the recreation of the Dumb and Dumber bathroom scene to go on for? Because I’m hypothetically in hour five and getting tired of it.
NonDawg So let’s just say hypothetically you drank a half gallon of Miralax
- Thread starter Artie Fufkin
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A while. I swear the best meal I’ve had was the one right after the procedure
100% normal. I went through it last year.
But Artie, a very good friend of mine died last Friday, basically because he never fully recovered from colon cancer. Let it take as long as it takes because, uncomfortable and ridiculous as you feel right now, you're doing something important.
You better have gone with the wet wipes or things are gonna get painful if not already
- Aug 22, 2015
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You know what I like about you, OP? You’re a regular guy. That’s why I want you to stay regular!
Dunno when it ll end but I’ve been told to go until it’s clear or they may have to do it again.
Just had mine 3 weeks ago. Last time on the throne was 6 a.m. Got bits of sleep from 2 till 6, but I’m glad we don’t have to do this every year.
Yeah, my dad was diagnosed with it last winter and it’s probably going to take him in the next 6-24 months. He never got a colonoscopy and it’s awful seeing what he’s enduring and knowing he could have prevented it. I’m a couple of years overdue but that got me focused.
I'm really sorry to hear that. But I'm glad it's motivated you just like watching my friend go through chemo and radiation motivated me.
In the meantime, the Vent will help in the sense of humor department.
I think you should go eat some corn. That should help.
Here's the challenge. See if you can start the second ear before the first ear makes its exit.
Here's the challenge. See if you can start the second ear before the first ear makes its exit.
Lmao
Sorry brother. I have had two members in my family that have died from colon cancer including my father. Therefore even though I’m only 40 I have had two colonoscopies. The procedure is simple the night before is absolutely fu**ing awful. May God bless and keep you. I don’t think it gets better until you fall asleep around one or two in the morning
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Just don’t call out the handles of any fellow Venters when the scope is inserted.
In all seriousness I hope everything is OK.
Like I said I watched my father go through chemo radiation and experimental drugs after he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He passed almost 5 years ago.
If it’s in your family or even it’s not still a great thing have these done routinely as a doctor advises
Like I said I watched my father go through chemo radiation and experimental drugs after he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He passed almost 5 years ago.
If it’s in your family or even it’s not still a great thing have these done routinely as a doctor advises
I Hope no one feels I am making light of it. One of my oldest friends died last Sunday(Age of 54)after being diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer last Summer. For some reason, he had no health insurance and had not had a colonoscopy. Found out he had cancer when he lost 30 lbs for no real reason. Cancer spread to his Brain(One Tumor removed, then two more came back) and to his lungs.
I’d known him since the first day of High School(41 Years). One of my good friends, who I will miss greatly.
OP I was complaining of some backup not too long ago to my wife. I work from home and she brought me my favorite UGA thermas full of coffee and she was being entirely too sweet. I should have known something was up then. Fast forward 3 hours later and I have to abruptly turn my microphone and camera off my Mac and fly to the bathroom. I spent the rest of our quarterly sales call having some kind of gastrointestinal exorcism. When it was my speaking turn I just held on for dear life and tried to get through the best I could. My wife spiked my coffee with miralax, and that stuff is the devil.
Pretty sure I just passed a Twinkie from ‘77.
Thread delivers.
Watch out for your cornhole, bud
Watch out for your cornhole, bud
Sorry. I've had one done three times, that first hour is hell for me. After that though, not so bad.
Sorry man - unfortunately I now know what you went though.
Well, I read this on FB recently - a little long, but hilarious. Good luck, I really need to schedule one too.
“I'd like to apologize in advance for what you are about to read, but this stuff, Mag07, and the salt water flush will make your soul step out of your body along with everything you have eaten since birth!
What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...
12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR beer and you don't want to be a sissy in front of your older brother and his friends. It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.
12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.
12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.
12:57 pm: That little science experiment you've got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to God there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...
12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life or just a horrible nightmare? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap / water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your rump.
1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have pooped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butthole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You fear you're now close to meeting Jesus.
8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours. You're broken. Your butthole's broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a poop stain and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.”
When it goes in lemon-lime and comes out lemon-lime about as fast as you put in in, you've reached enlightenment.
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Everybody needs a sense of humor to get through the colonoscopy experience. You can't laugh too much. It just bears repeating that, as you know, the need to go through it is no joke.
Unless you have been through a colonoscopy and the preparation I don’t know that you can fully understand how absolutely spot on this post above is. I just laughed so hard I cried started sweating and then almost shat in my pants
Absolute truth in the post above
Guilt-free food, for days afterward....so there is a silver lining!
For the next four hours you shall be known as Shartie.
Can’t you just poop in a cup and mail it off to some lab? My dad tried to get me to take his to the post office...hard no.
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