Oh, buddy. If Dennis Felton had never been fired, we’d be living in an alternate basketball universe—one where the Hoop Dawgs are a certified blue blood and March Madness is just a warm-up for our annual Final Four run.
Picture it: Feltonball™ in full effect. Every possession lasts 29.9 seconds, our offense is somehow averaging 48 points per game, and yet, thanks to a generational run of 7-foot rim protectors, we’re holding opponents to 36. UGA games look like 1950s Celtics footage, but by God, it works.
Recruiting? Oh, we’re feasting. Anthony Edwards never leaves for the NBA—instead, he spends six years in Athens because Felton institutes a “Hoop Dawg Loyalty Clause” that somehow overrules NCAA regulations. He becomes the first player-coach in modern college hoops history.
Meanwhile, Kentucky is in shambles. They’ve missed 12 straight tournaments because Felton’s stifling, slow-as-molasses defensive system breaks their will to play basketball. Calipari retires to open a horse farm in Lexington, muttering, “I just… I just couldn’t beat ‘em.”
And today? We’re sitting on three natties, the #1 seed overall, and Gonzaga would have been terrified because they know what’s coming. A brutal, 41-39 slugfest where they score zero points in the final 12 minutes while the Dawgs execute an impossibly slow yet devastatingly effective backdoor cut play to ice it.
But alas, reality is cruel. Felton got canned, and we’ve spent the last 15 years searching for the magic that never was. But hey—the dream lives on.
Picture it: Feltonball™ in full effect. Every possession lasts 29.9 seconds, our offense is somehow averaging 48 points per game, and yet, thanks to a generational run of 7-foot rim protectors, we’re holding opponents to 36. UGA games look like 1950s Celtics footage, but by God, it works.
Recruiting? Oh, we’re feasting. Anthony Edwards never leaves for the NBA—instead, he spends six years in Athens because Felton institutes a “Hoop Dawg Loyalty Clause” that somehow overrules NCAA regulations. He becomes the first player-coach in modern college hoops history.
Meanwhile, Kentucky is in shambles. They’ve missed 12 straight tournaments because Felton’s stifling, slow-as-molasses defensive system breaks their will to play basketball. Calipari retires to open a horse farm in Lexington, muttering, “I just… I just couldn’t beat ‘em.”
And today? We’re sitting on three natties, the #1 seed overall, and Gonzaga would have been terrified because they know what’s coming. A brutal, 41-39 slugfest where they score zero points in the final 12 minutes while the Dawgs execute an impossibly slow yet devastatingly effective backdoor cut play to ice it.
But alas, reality is cruel. Felton got canned, and we’ve spent the last 15 years searching for the magic that never was. But hey—the dream lives on.
