A guy I know is an Auburn fan, and many times I've humored this defect in his character. But he finally said one dumb thing too many, and I have calmly but deliberately unloaded on him.
Here's a recap:
Aubie - You guys sure have had some thuggish behavior at Georgia lately. That accident and Bennett getting arrested. That's not a good look for recruiting.
LESD - Thuggish? Hm. Well, I appreciate the concern, but UGA recruiting is doing fine.
Aubie - I just think Auburn is about to return to recruiting well in Georgia, like we used to. A lot of kids and families are looking for a fresh start with a new coach at a clean program.
LESD - (coughing up a hairball) Clean program? You lost me. Are you talking about Auburn?
Aubie - 100%.
LESD - OK. (Clearing the throat.) Let's work backwards. When it comes to your new head football coach, you can have hookers on speed dial on your university-issued phone.. or you can wave the Bible at me. But you can't do both.
Aubie - That's not fair.
LESD - It's completely fair, and I'm not finished.... Your head football coach is a dirtbag, and Bruce Pearl isn't exactly known for running clean programs either, is he?
That's a rhetorical question. Don't speak...
I think most folks around our conference would agree that Nick Fairly was the dirtiest player in decades of SEC football, and Auburn fans like to ignore that. Want to talk about thuggish behavior?
And yes, we Dawg fans were sickened when two Georgia defenders batted that ball up instead of down, and our three-TD fourth-quarter comeback became the "Prayer at Jordan-Hare." But the idea that God wanted that outcome ignores the fact that the pass was thrown by an Auburn QB who had once played for Georgia until we kicked him out of our university for stealing money from his teammates.
Aubie - That's not true.
LESD - It is true. That's your "clean" program.
And, of course, that QB was the best thing to happen to Auburn since the graduation of Cam Newton, who originally left Florida after stealing a kid's laptop, throwing it out a window to avoid arrest, and later getting called out for cheating on an exam.
Then, after a stint at junior college, his Daddy the preacher started shopping him around for six figures, and look where he ended up. But I'm sure he chose Auburn because Bobby Lowder told him it was a clean program.
Aubie - OK, well...
LESD - Remember Stanley McClover, Troy Reddick, Raven Gray, and Chaz Ramsey? I sure do. That sure was some must-see TV.
In fact, when has Auburn not been going into or coming out of one scandal or another involving coaches or players? Honestly?
Aubie - OK, never mind.
LESD - What's Terry Bowden been up to?
Aubie - Go Tigers!
LESD - Whore Eagle!
Here's a recap:
Aubie - You guys sure have had some thuggish behavior at Georgia lately. That accident and Bennett getting arrested. That's not a good look for recruiting.
LESD - Thuggish? Hm. Well, I appreciate the concern, but UGA recruiting is doing fine.
Aubie - I just think Auburn is about to return to recruiting well in Georgia, like we used to. A lot of kids and families are looking for a fresh start with a new coach at a clean program.
LESD - (coughing up a hairball) Clean program? You lost me. Are you talking about Auburn?
Aubie - 100%.
LESD - OK. (Clearing the throat.) Let's work backwards. When it comes to your new head football coach, you can have hookers on speed dial on your university-issued phone.. or you can wave the Bible at me. But you can't do both.
Aubie - That's not fair.
LESD - It's completely fair, and I'm not finished.... Your head football coach is a dirtbag, and Bruce Pearl isn't exactly known for running clean programs either, is he?
That's a rhetorical question. Don't speak...
I think most folks around our conference would agree that Nick Fairly was the dirtiest player in decades of SEC football, and Auburn fans like to ignore that. Want to talk about thuggish behavior?
And yes, we Dawg fans were sickened when two Georgia defenders batted that ball up instead of down, and our three-TD fourth-quarter comeback became the "Prayer at Jordan-Hare." But the idea that God wanted that outcome ignores the fact that the pass was thrown by an Auburn QB who had once played for Georgia until we kicked him out of our university for stealing money from his teammates.
Aubie - That's not true.
LESD - It is true. That's your "clean" program.
And, of course, that QB was the best thing to happen to Auburn since the graduation of Cam Newton, who originally left Florida after stealing a kid's laptop, throwing it out a window to avoid arrest, and later getting called out for cheating on an exam.
Then, after a stint at junior college, his Daddy the preacher started shopping him around for six figures, and look where he ended up. But I'm sure he chose Auburn because Bobby Lowder told him it was a clean program.
Aubie - OK, well...
LESD - Remember Stanley McClover, Troy Reddick, Raven Gray, and Chaz Ramsey? I sure do. That sure was some must-see TV.
In fact, when has Auburn not been going into or coming out of one scandal or another involving coaches or players? Honestly?
Aubie - OK, never mind.
LESD - What's Terry Bowden been up to?
Aubie - Go Tigers!
LESD - Whore Eagle!
