Get ready for the coming Eclipse Apocalypse!

[JackRussellDawg]

Fellers, it’s gonna get dark on April 8th. How can we possibly survive? It’s the scariest event since Y2K.

They are stocking up on food and water in New York. Niagara Falls has declared a state of emergency. I expect the Mississippi River and Okeefenokee Swamp to do the same.

Joementia has signed an executive order naming April 8th “A Day of Transgender Non-Visibility.”

The FDA is rushing approval of a new eclipse vaccine.

Fauci has announced lockdown protocols known as “Two Weeks to Slow the Darkness.”

Pete ButtFudge has declared the eclipse to be racist, because it’s dark.

The Department of Energy is using giant Diesel engine powered fans to produce more wind to turn the wind mills faster to produce more electricity, because you know those solar panels ain’t gonna be working.

The View beyotches have declared all this to be Trump’s fault.

Me? I double checked all my light switches and found my sunglasses. I stocked up on vieenner sausages and Claxton Fruit Cake (that stuff never goes bad) and bourbon for medicinal purposes.

Please share your Eclipse Apocalypse Prep Tips in this thread. Good luck fellers!

 

[WyoDawg307]

Fellers, it’s gonna get dark on April 8th. How can we possibly survive? It’s the scariest event since Y2K.

They are stocking up on food and water in New York. Niagara Falls has declared a state of emergency. I expect the Mississippi River and Okeefenokee Swamp to do the same.

Joementia has signed an executive order naming April 8th “A Day of Transgender Non-Visibility.”

The FDA is rushing approval of a new eclipse vaccine.

Fauci has announced lockdown protocols known as “Two Weeks to Slow the Darkness.”

Pete ButtFudge has declared the eclipse to be racist, because it’s dark.

The Department of Energy is using giant Diesel engine powered fans to produce more wind to turn the wind mills faster to produce more electricity, because you know those solar panels ain’t gonna be working.

The View beyotches have declared all this to be Trump’s fault.

Me? I double checked all my light switches and found my sunglasses. I stocked up on vieenner sausages and Claxton Fruit Cake (that stuff never goes bad) and bourbon for medicinal purposes.

Please share your Eclipse Apocalypse Prep Tips in this thread. Good luck fellers!

Well done!!

 

[SLC_Dawg]

Don’t be one of the casualties of the eclipse. Don’t stare at the eclipse. I was reading somewhere that maybe 100 [stupid] people were hospitalized after the last one. Take two index cards, punch a small hole in one, place that one on top and move the cards apart to focus.