First off, it's not one them pesky little curly poops that won't let go of your hiney.
Naw, it's not that special prison hooch that your often-incarcerated uncle told you about.
And it isn't that makeshift ba-day that your hillbilly cousin rigged up for his wife, even though all he did was run the garden hose through the bathroom winnder.
Well, I'll just tell y'all. The other morning I was sitting at my desk studying the latest pearl of Chat wisdom on my laptop when my wife came to me and said very calmly that there was a squirrel in the master bathroom. I went in there and shonuff a squirrel was sitting on the side of our new whirlpool tub. When he saw me, he started shaking and pooped right then and there. I carefully closed the door and put the Jack in his corral in the kitchen, as the dog who is always on patrol for "Charlies" was completely unaware that a squirrel was in the house. By that time, my wife was on the phone with a girlfriend who told her to be sure to video what was about to happen. I told her that I was not about to be the next interweb laughingstock and told her to go stay on the back porch.
I went and checked on the squirrel, and he was right where I left him. I did not see any possible way that he had entered the bathroom, although he was wet, and the toilet water was murky. Ok then he must have accidentally jumped in the toilet while trying to escape. I closed the door and went all through the house looking for any possible entry point. I got a wire dog crate and put some bird seed in it and set it in the bathroom floor with the gate open. Then I closed the door and went all around the outside of the house looking for any possible squirrel entry point. Then I came back and checked on the squirrel again, and he had barely moved. OK it was now show time.
I went and got a fitted bed sheet and began to try and throw it over the squirrel, and that's when all hell broke loose. That varmint went to climbing and jumping all over the place, as I was about to have a heart attack and stroke out at the same time. Finally, he landed in the tub, and I threw the sheet over him and grabbed some towels and threw over him and bunched it all up and threw it in the dog crate and shut the gate to it. I was drenched in sweat, but I had him.
I took the dog crate outside and let the squirrel go and then went and told my wife of my heroic exploits in greatly exaggerated fashion. We racked our brains trying to figure out how the squirrel got in there until that night, my wife googled "squirrel in the toilet," and there was the answer. That tree rat had come down the toilet vent pipe on the roof, made his way from the sewage pipe to the S-curve, and had swam up and out of the toilet.
Fellers, I hope y'all never encounter a Toilet Squirrel, but if you do and you are sitting on the toilet, be sure to protect your nuts.
Naw, it's not that special prison hooch that your often-incarcerated uncle told you about.
And it isn't that makeshift ba-day that your hillbilly cousin rigged up for his wife, even though all he did was run the garden hose through the bathroom winnder.
Well, I'll just tell y'all. The other morning I was sitting at my desk studying the latest pearl of Chat wisdom on my laptop when my wife came to me and said very calmly that there was a squirrel in the master bathroom. I went in there and shonuff a squirrel was sitting on the side of our new whirlpool tub. When he saw me, he started shaking and pooped right then and there. I carefully closed the door and put the Jack in his corral in the kitchen, as the dog who is always on patrol for "Charlies" was completely unaware that a squirrel was in the house. By that time, my wife was on the phone with a girlfriend who told her to be sure to video what was about to happen. I told her that I was not about to be the next interweb laughingstock and told her to go stay on the back porch.
I went and checked on the squirrel, and he was right where I left him. I did not see any possible way that he had entered the bathroom, although he was wet, and the toilet water was murky. Ok then he must have accidentally jumped in the toilet while trying to escape. I closed the door and went all through the house looking for any possible entry point. I got a wire dog crate and put some bird seed in it and set it in the bathroom floor with the gate open. Then I closed the door and went all around the outside of the house looking for any possible squirrel entry point. Then I came back and checked on the squirrel again, and he had barely moved. OK it was now show time.
I went and got a fitted bed sheet and began to try and throw it over the squirrel, and that's when all hell broke loose. That varmint went to climbing and jumping all over the place, as I was about to have a heart attack and stroke out at the same time. Finally, he landed in the tub, and I threw the sheet over him and grabbed some towels and threw over him and bunched it all up and threw it in the dog crate and shut the gate to it. I was drenched in sweat, but I had him.
I took the dog crate outside and let the squirrel go and then went and told my wife of my heroic exploits in greatly exaggerated fashion. We racked our brains trying to figure out how the squirrel got in there until that night, my wife googled "squirrel in the toilet," and there was the answer. That tree rat had come down the toilet vent pipe on the roof, made his way from the sewage pipe to the S-curve, and had swam up and out of the toilet.
Fellers, I hope y'all never encounter a Toilet Squirrel, but if you do and you are sitting on the toilet, be sure to protect your nuts.
