Just left her bedside and am meeting with hospice in the morning, hoping to ease her passing. Nothing unusual or unexpected about a 92 yr old passing, but up until 8 days ago, she was sharp as a tack, full of life and vigor. She had been blessed with good health most of her life, but in this last yr she developed some heart problems, but had overcome each setback. I had expected that again with a recent flair-up, but alas, it was not meant to be.
She raised 4 children, and gave us absolutely every thing she had. And though she loved each of us equally, she also loved us each differently, with a love tailored for the unique needs, blessings, and sorrows each one of us carried. She taught me how to crawl, walk, then run as a baby. And when i stumbled again as a 35 yr old man, she talk me how to crawl, walk, and run again.
Funny story-In June, I took her to a dr visit. Leaving her house, like always, I gave her a big hug. The next morning, I felt a tickle in my throat, and got tested for Covid, which was positive. My first thought was that big hug I stole from her 24 hrs earlier probably was going to kill her. Her only comment when I called about getting her tested was "if i didnt get it from you then, then I doubt i will get it from you later, so keep coming by." She tested negative, but did tell me I needed to wash my hands more.
So it's down to this-I've always had an uneasy alliance with grief, and quite frankly, I'm unfamiliar with it. But those waves are crashing now, and seem to be pouring out from the core of my bones. But stronger than the grief is an overwhelming sense of gratitude i feel for having had her so deep into my life, and hers. I do not ask for, nor deserve- any pity. I simply pray that her agitation ends and that she be given a peaceful passage. I thank the Lord above for her. When I came into the world that cold day in February of 1963, I know he gave me the best one he had available that day.
She raised 4 children, and gave us absolutely every thing she had. And though she loved each of us equally, she also loved us each differently, with a love tailored for the unique needs, blessings, and sorrows each one of us carried. She taught me how to crawl, walk, then run as a baby. And when i stumbled again as a 35 yr old man, she talk me how to crawl, walk, and run again.
Funny story-In June, I took her to a dr visit. Leaving her house, like always, I gave her a big hug. The next morning, I felt a tickle in my throat, and got tested for Covid, which was positive. My first thought was that big hug I stole from her 24 hrs earlier probably was going to kill her. Her only comment when I called about getting her tested was "if i didnt get it from you then, then I doubt i will get it from you later, so keep coming by." She tested negative, but did tell me I needed to wash my hands more.
So it's down to this-I've always had an uneasy alliance with grief, and quite frankly, I'm unfamiliar with it. But those waves are crashing now, and seem to be pouring out from the core of my bones. But stronger than the grief is an overwhelming sense of gratitude i feel for having had her so deep into my life, and hers. I do not ask for, nor deserve- any pity. I simply pray that her agitation ends and that she be given a peaceful passage. I thank the Lord above for her. When I came into the world that cold day in February of 1963, I know he gave me the best one he had available that day.
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