With unwavering conviction, I hereby swear my allegiance to the Dark Knights of the Vent, pledging to uphold, protect, and champion the one true powerhouse: the University of Georgia. I vow to defend its athletic department, the indefatigable Coach Kirby Smart (the UGA HC GOAT), and, above all, the brave souls—our noble athletes—who have chosen to don the Red and Black of UGA, a school so dear to my heart that even my wife gets jealous.
In times of Dawgvent battle, I shall unsheathe my mighty keyboard sword, ever ready to slay the forces of ignorance, especially the nefarious White Knights of the AJC. These sworn foes, with their sharp pens and bitter tongues, seek to dismantle the greatness of this esteemed institution with little to no evidence to support their wild savagery—but I say, "Not on my watch!"
For the glory of UGA, for the honor of the Dawgs, and for the children (won't someone please think of the children?), I shall stand resolute, fueled by my love for all things UGA and a borderline obsessive devotion to the cause. Glory Glory to old Georgia!