I talk to people who think they want to die. For some reason, even with what I've been afflicted, people come to me with their problems. I know a lot of people who warm up to the idea of dying when they are are melancholy... I can tell you... 100%, that POV changes when you are staring death in the face... coming at you, slowly.... even if you actually are facing dying, and have accepted your fate. It's different when you're really looking at it. People who romanticize death and slowly take the pill (in a sense) are trying to embrace death, but they have zero clue what it's like to be in the process of dying. I won't say people are wrong and arrogant for this, but I can categorically say with 100% certainty, their perspective is wrong. They just haven't kissed death and been knocked into a sane form of stasis yet. They are ignorant here. They don't know. I was melancholy and romanticized death before... and I didn't realize how arrogantly wrong I was.
Let me tell you. When I learned I had stage four, and realized what was in front of me, I knew I was gonna **** up cancer. I knew I wasn't gonna be a pussy about it. I kinda wanted to be lazy and I give in but I knew it wasn't in the cards. I immediately learned that my entire life, up until the moment when I knew what it was going to take to win, that I had been full of shit.
If you have warm and fuzzy ideas about death, talk to me. You don't know what you're talking about, and whether you know it or not, there is a way of looking at it, that exists, that you don't understand. It's kind of like becoming a Gnostic in a sense... overnight.
BTW, people and their problems. I had a friend tell me that their life sucks because of a move. And I said 'your move is gonna be done by Thursday, right?". I'll let you know what sucks, especially when it truly isn't an existential problem.
Any more of this and I officially become a blow hard. Love y'all. Be cool to each other.
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